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health update v 2.1.3

September 23rd, 2016 · 19 Comments

_q5a9348hi! well i made it to fall! i really REALLY love this time of year. it’s my favorite season. i figure it’s a good time to go ahead and just let everyone that might be interested what is going on with my health and well being.
 
i’ve been so so happy to read your notes, your cards, your texts emails messages snaps tweets. all of it. you guys you know that is the greatest gift for me at this point.
 
i didn’t really post too much details when the recurrence happened in may for a few reasons; one i had to process it myself. that was crazy. i’m not sure yet that i still have. my oncologist told me when breast cancer spreads to the brain that’s 6 months. she told me that in may. so, may, june, july, …… ok so that means if she was correct that my time is up come october.
 
process that.

 
you can immediately deny it and be like I’M A FIGHTER NO WAY NO WAY I GONNA DEFY ALL ODDS CAUSE I’M STRONG YADA YADAY but you guys, that’s not exactly how that goes down. she’s a doctor, a cancer doctor. she sees hundreds of breast cancer patients. and thousands of women are dying, quickly, once the breast cancer metastasis happens in the brain. and to go from like four spots to FORTY spots in two months…. you could say that was a bit of a punch to my spirit.
 
but look, it’s fall! and i’m here and i’m happy. so there’s that.
 
i did decide to do the whole brain radiation treatment, which i did show you guys on my social media. lol i was burned literally from the inside out. inside my skull. that wasn’t fun. but i did it. and after i did that i bought a ticket to Auckland. i’m getting the hell out there for a couple weeks. i need to enjoy this life. i’ve rented a VW van like the one i drove when i lived in italy and like the one i brought here when i first moved to oahu. i am going alone to sit and think, and enjoy this life i still have.
 
while i’ve been in recovery i’ve had some incredibly huge blessings fall in my lap. you may or may not have seen – Mr Carmack bringing me to play with him in Paris, i’m doing a super fun radio show with yoozilla on iHeartRadio on Sunday nights, the documentary is making beautiful progress, i’m still writing my column when i can, and of course immersed in music (watch for my guest mix for Timeless Sessions dropping in the next couple weeks!), and i rescued an older doggie that’s got just about as much health issues as me but is such a great companion. i’m feeding my soul as much as i can and appreciating every damn thing, even the bad things. but i notice once you really, really can be at peace with what you already have and not be so needy and wantie for things you don’t have that’s when the real genuine happiness comes around. oh man, it’s so beautiful.
 
so anyway, as far as my health- i don’t plan on getting any more brain scans to “see where I’m at.” when they zap your brain that’s your one shot. so who cares if it “worked” or “not”… that’s that. if i have symptoms we can treat them and i’ll continue the energy work, mind/body connection, healthy eating, morning/evening rituals but i refuse to be a slave to these scans. my doctor is cool with me also not having any bilateral mastectomy surgeries. the laparoscopic surgery to remove the ovaries was perfect and minor. this works for me for now.
 
so, a few things. you might remember me telling you the biggest hurdle is putting yourself out there. when this happens you really want to hide from the world and people. i’ve been getting a lot better at not doing that especially after this recurrence. i wake up when the sun comes up which means by the time the sun goes down my energy is spent. some days i have more some days less. some days nothing feels good to eat and i’m sick with hunger pains crying on my couch. some days i can’t take my anti-brain-swelling meds fast enough and i’m throwing up and dizzy hating life. some days the hormones make me feel like the only solution to anything is to just not be alive. but most days i’m so full of gratitude and love that i’m crying happy tears. almost daily huge blessings fall in my lap; visit, a package, yummy food on my porch, nice notes, or even just someone picking me up to get lemons at whole foods and take me for a drive. i really like going for drives :)
 
so anyway, WHEN you see me in person – please, please do not apologize to me. too many of you are doing that. DON’T DO THAT!!! don’t tell me “sorry i didn’t make it to so and so event, sorry i haven’t been in touch, sorry you are going through this” any of that. you have zero obligations to me and i expect nothing from any of you. i’m so full of love and support i have everything i could ever need and want so skip that part and hug me. i say this a lot and i understand its the first thing people want to talk about but please do not ask me the “status” of my “treatments” or scans or health. look at me. if i’m out of my house that means YES i’m healthy, YES i’m happy and YES everything is going good. i know that’s the first thing i would want to know from someone too but you have to know it can be a bit overwhelming. if i want to talk about it i’ll bring it up.
 
so my plan? i plan to enjoy today. and tomorrow. and as long as i keep waking up. you should too. look at all these beautiful things you have.
 
screen-shot-2016-09-25-at-2-47-24-pmthanks again to one of this city’s greatest humans Mark Becker and the amazing event he threw for me and Daniel last week. i know i posted a bit but i just have to give another nod to this event because DAMN DUDE YOU PULLED THIS TOGETHER IN YOUR SLEEP and it was one of the best nights out for so many people! i KEEP hearing about how many industry veterans came in hot, so many amazing prizes and raffles, and such a great vibe. it’s not about the money (but omg yes thank you thank you i really could use that support) it’s about the TIME SPENT and the PEOPLE WHO SHOWED UP and the NOTES you wrote me in the book. i was so emotional yesterday reading through all of that and seeing all the photos hearing the stories. this city is so so special. thank you for accepting me here and letting me work so hard for 8 years in the liquor business. i had no idea what i was doing and certainly couldn’t have gotten anywhere without your support and acceptance.
 
i love you guys. PLEASE go to the Queen Kapiolani on Sunday October 9th. tell your friends to go too. have we ever EVER let you down with a pool party that wasn’t so fun? that’s my baby. 12p-6p daytime fun good vibes great music and it’s a fundraiser. just have the best day though, please? for me?

Tags: cwstrong · feeling better · health status

19 responses so far ↓

  • 1 Mom // Sep 25, 2016 at 6:31 pm

    I love you so much & miss you too!

  • 2 Kevin Vasconcellos // Sep 25, 2016 at 7:44 pm

    Christine!!! You’re such a huge part of the ecosystem that we call the Hawaii Music Scene, so I’m not the slightest surprised by the outpouring of love at the benefit the other night. I just wish I wasn’t way out here in Austin. Even though we’ve only hung out a few times in Hawaii and briefly in Austin, since you got to Hawaii after I’d left the scene, I see how much love you share with everyone whether you know them well or not. Much like myself, and I’m sure why my cuz Maka is your friend as well. So just know you’re in my thoughts across the Pacific, here in Texas. And have tons of hugs to share next time I’m in the Oahu…in 2017!

  • 3 Derik // Sep 25, 2016 at 7:52 pm

    We have never met, and this is the first of your writings that I have read. Yet I feel compelled to let you know that you have reached into my heart and touched me at my core. Thank you for sharing your joy, and your pain, with a stranger. In this moment, it means the world to me. Clearly you mean a lot to many people, and that is rarer than it should be. But to share yourself in a public way, and affect the lives of those who have never known you, is special. At least in my opinion, and I’m guessing I am not the only one who feels this way. Thanks again. Today was a good day.

  • 4 Woes Martin // Sep 25, 2016 at 8:09 pm

    Love you Christa=) Pounds and hugs<3

  • 5 Michelle Grondine // Sep 25, 2016 at 9:24 pm

    I love you so much. You give ME strength in your incredible outlook on life and positivity. You are an incredible human. I miss your hugs! But I love seeing your ans booboo’s smiles and emotions on your snaps and I am proud of your incredible mixes and documentary making! Love you, goddess. Xx

  • 6 cw // Sep 25, 2016 at 9:56 pm

    aw thanks mom :)

  • 7 Stephanie // Sep 25, 2016 at 10:21 pm

    Faaaaack girl, I’m laughing and crying and feeling my heart fill up to overflowing as I’m reading your words. THANK YOU for your true badassery and brave soul-sharing. I’m gonna have a mimosa with my little sister and mama and we will raise our glasses to you. Enjoying fun times, loving life, long-distance hugging you.

  • 8 Christa // Sep 25, 2016 at 11:26 pm

    oh man Derik thank you thank you

  • 9 Becker // Sep 26, 2016 at 9:33 am

    You are such a light in my life. I know how hard you have struggled and fought demons but I wanted to tell you, that you are a light to everyone you meet and it seems that light wants you to know it yourself. God blessed this world with you, BLESSED. Everyone you meet remembers you. We arent done fighting for you, you arent done fighting for you. Love you.

  • 10 Christa // Sep 26, 2016 at 4:05 pm

    thank u becker i am crying right now – you have shaped such a huge part of my life.

  • 11 Jasmine Jones // Sep 27, 2016 at 3:36 pm

    I LOVED YOU from the moment we met. You truly are the light in so many of our lives. Your boundless energy even through the fight of your life just astounds me. You’re an inspiration my darling, and I can’t think of one time I didn’t laugh or smile when I saw you out, read your blogs, or danced to your music. I’ll never forget your first bday party, and you will remain the light in my life FO EVA! XOXOXO!

  • 12 Kenny // Sep 28, 2016 at 10:44 am

    Loved you then.
    Love you now.
    Will love you until we meet in the next life – and with some luck and better judgement, maybe I won’t fuck that one up!

  • 13 Kamaile // Sep 28, 2016 at 10:22 pm

    You are inspiring as fuck. Know that shit. I can’t ever stop looking up to you.

  • 14 Trish // Sep 29, 2016 at 6:52 am

    You amaze me.
    I don’t know how you do it every day.
    You inspire me.
    I need to have the love and zest for living each day to its fullest like you do.
    You deserve to be happy and healthy.
    Love and light…

  • 15 Rye // Oct 3, 2016 at 3:48 am

    Just one of those almost 4am Makiki hellos. I kinda stopped reading Dianetics.

  • 16 Angeka // Oct 15, 2016 at 7:25 pm

    You Are magnificent. That word really doesn’t even encompass how much respect I have for the journey you are taking.

    Much love to you.

    ~Namaste~

  • 17 Malia // Dec 15, 2016 at 3:06 pm

    I watched your journey against breast cancer from the start. I read and printed your white paper. I was so stoked when you beat it down. My heart sunk when I learned the fucker came back.

    And then I got diagnosed myself three weeks ago.

    Im terrified.

  • 18 Christa // Dec 15, 2016 at 3:21 pm

    malia i just emailed you pls don’t be terrified it’s gonna be ok. write me back i will help u as much as i can. sending love

  • 19 Kim // Feb 7, 2017 at 4:09 pm

    You are amazing! You have been a shining light since the day you walked into the choir room your freshman year! I loved you then and I love you now! Thank you for the inspiration you are to so many! ❤

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